remember to smile today XXX

Life has been so fucking shit lately it’s unreal, but today was the worse by far. I don’t see sense in telling the world about your life because it’s personal to you and that’s it, everyone has shit to deal with and people get on with it. So this isn’t a sympathy thing it’s simply because some of the most important people in my life don’t even know what I’ve been going through because I didn’t want to tell them, even though they should really know. So now they will know. I had to say goodbye to a woman who has given me so much throughout my life. A person that loved me for me and never questioned me or my choices. She became my second mom and supported me through everything, I cared for her and looked after her with the rest of my family and I honestly loved it. The countless films we would watch, hours we would spend talking, various cakes and sweets we would eat. Nothing was ever too much for her to do for me, she’s my support system in life and she’s gone. It honestly feels like I have a fucking hole in my life. A whole part of it is gone, not a piece, a literal section. I can’t bring myself to say goodbye to her and shut it all off, and I never will be able to. If I was to do that I honestly think I would lose my mind through grief and lose. Death sucks ass balls, but it’s an evil that we as humans can never leave. Everybody dies but not everybody lives, but I can safely say she lived a life of happiness, of joy and love. She lived happily married for 63 years and is now reunited with my grandad once again. They can be happy together and be with one another again. Some people may say they don’t believe in that crap but I take a lot of joy in knowing in my faith that she is out of pain and with my grandad again. I love you till the end of time nan, you mean so much to me that knowing you’re gone leaves me in physical pain. It just fucking hurts and for those who have lost loved ones you know how bad it hurts, in your soul. I like to think of this as not the end or even goodbye but more of a I will see you soon nan and tell grandad I love him too. I will meet you again one day and tell you about the life I will have and the path I will take. I love you forever

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